Alan Sincic

The world is less crowded for the people who are famous. There is more room, all over the place there is more room for them. The public put their faces down on top of the road for the famous people, and if you are famous they give you a ticket and you get to walk down the street on top of the faces of the public. If you are famous you don't have to wipe your own mouth because they have people to do that to you for free. When you wake in the morning the clothes that you wear are already on your body.

Famous people when they go out into the street have to disguise themselves so that they do not look like a famous person. Sometimes a famous person could be walking right past another famous person and neither one of them would know that both of them are famous. The other danger is that you could disguise yourself and go out and be so convincing that you forget that you are a famous person. This is why it is always important for you to bring somebody along who would be able to recognize you.

There is a day set aside for the parents of famous people to come and to congratulate them. The parents come and they have to beg to be forgiven. They break down the door but there is nobody home. Then they glance over to the TV and there on the evening news is the famous person their child who is telling them that they are forgiven and for them to help themselves to anything that they can find in the refrigerator.

The day you become famous the seamstress arrives to sew your pockets shut. Then you hire someone to walk behind you to carry the things that people normally carry in their pockets: pocket-comb, pocketknife, pocket-watch; slide rule, protractor, eraser; candy-bar, firecrackers, two tickets to the dance.

If famous people want to find out what it is that they are doing they have to go down to the store to buy a magazine. If the magazine is up to date enough it tells them that they are going down to the store to buy a magazine. There is a photograph of them with a pretty girl on their arm and they are standing there side by side at the Shop-N-Go magazine rack looking at this picture of themselves standing there. Then there is this picture of them at the moment they were born, the precise moment that they are crawling out of their mother's body, and there is this caption underneath the picture that reads "The Birth Of Another Famous Person."

The public is the reason that the famous people are famous, the public is what has made them what they are today. Sometimes, at night, when the public is asleep, the famous people sneak outside without their disguises on and sneak into the homes of the public and tip-toe into the bedroom and give the public a big kiss on the side of the cheek to thank the public for making them all that they are today. On the way back out sometimes the famous people stop at the refrigerator to have a glass of milk maybe and some cookies.

Even as we speak, in their secret headquarters high up in the Swiss Alps, the famous people meet together to discuss among themselves what to do about the public. They are trying very hard to keep in touch with the public. They sleep with a telephone book under their pillow so that all of their dreams can be about the public. They buy hundreds of photographs of crowds and wallpaper the walls of their bedrooms with these many crowd photos. Have you yourself ever been standing inside of the middle of a crowd? Then maybe you are in one of these many crowd photos. At this very moment, the famous people are trying to identify the faces in the crowd. Maybe it is your face that even at this very moment is being circled in red crayon by a famous person. Maybe right this second the famous people are peering down through the magnifying glass at your face out of all of the other faces in the crowd --"Here! Here is the one that we want, the one that we have been looking for!" Do you feel a kind of rosy glow around the edges of your cheeks? Do you feel a kind of halo of light around the edges of your handsome and distinctive features? Maybe at this very moment they are rescuing your face from out of the oceans and oceans of faces, are bending down with the tweezers to pluck your face from out of all of the others, are rushing your face to the photographers for enlargement because only after your head has been enlarged is it possible for you to become a famous person, only after you have been blown up is it possible for you to be recognized.

Wait! Wait! There's the telephone now. Should you answer it? It is the famous people! At last you have been recognized. They have looked up your number in the telephone book and they are calling because they want you to go skating with them. They want to be seen in your company. They would love to meet with you. They would love to be close and personal friends with such a person as yourself, such a person as, in your heart of hearts, you know yourself to be: a famous, famous, famous person.